Вот заплатка номер раз.

У мну тоже этот эмуль, он ведь со встроенным дебаггером, так что лучше него я пока не видел (для перевода я имею ввиду), есть еще ZSNES последней версии (не помню какой), тоже будет нормально играть.

Отредактировано alex_231 (2011-12-08 19:38:12)

Драконий эскадрон Каны (Kahna's Dragon Squad) - если уж эскадрон, то может "Эскадрон драконов Каны"?

Крестоносец (Cross Knight) - мне очему-то всегда казалось, что "cross" в данном случае обозначает не крест, а перекрестие (мечей - у героя же два меча и удар он наносит сразу двумя перекрещивая их), да и по внешнему виду он на крестоносца не тянет (в привычном значении слова), поэтому и было Кросс-рыцарь (просто нужно со строчной буквы писать)

...является сильной Драгнар (...holds the power of a Dragnar) - ты пишешь ""Драгнар" - не какой-то человек. Это как призвание. Или карма. Например "Будда"." И здесь я не согласен: Драгнары - люди с особыми возможностями (собственно возможностями управлять силой Священных Драконов), это как класс персонажа, хотя в игре это и есть отдельный класс, вырастающий из Адепта (в оригинале - Summoner), и я бы не сказал, что принцесса - "сильный Драгнар", она становится сильной со временем, а в начале игры - она ничем не отличается от Сендака (у обоих класс - Адепт), то есть "...владеющая силой Драгнара" было вполне уместно, может немного не досказано, что сила эта еще дремлет в принцессе и пользоваться ей в полной мере она не может, если выразить эту мысль как-то покороче, то можно сделать уточнение.

Отредактировано alex_231 (2011-12-09 01:24:34)

Ну, я бы не сказал, что редчайший, в прошлом Драгнаров было много (почти все люди), но во время войны Священных Драконов большинство из них погибло.

Не путай отряд (все драконы с наездниками) и взвод (4 персонажа)

Обратимся к словарю:
Эскадрон - кавалерийское подразделение (конница)
Эскадрилья - подразделение в военной авиации

Вернёмся к нашим баранам (э-э, драконам): наше подразделение больше напоминает ВДВ с поддержкой с воздуха (подобие десантных вертолётов). Вот такому подразделению бы название придумать.

Драконья пехота. xD

Получается такой мир в стиле паропанк. Ладно, с этим убедил. Аналогия и впрямь неплохая. Тем более там будут артиллерийские орудия 1-2 мировой, летающий корабль и т.д.
Только тогда драконы - птицы, а не лошади. )) Я к тому, что д.б. "помёт", а не "навоз".

Вот давай на примере Каны пока разберём...
1 - Название страны прежде всего - Кана (Россия, Византия, Рим, Британия). Империя - уже родовое имя;
2 - http://www.gramota.ru/spravka/buro/search_...%EF%E5%F0%E8%FF
Даже воспринимая "империя" в историческом смысле, представь, если бы действие игры происходило в Российской империи. Мы бы писали его со строчной;
3- Раз уж тебе так не по душе "Канская империя", то остаётся только "империя Кана".
То же самое и с империей Гранбел.

А "император" пишется с большой лишь в текстах официальных документов: "Я - Император такой-то приказываю...".

В японском и английском оно смысл имело, должно иметь смысл и в русском.
Вот сrossbow - это арбалет, а не кросс-лук. А (как у меня кое-где было) cross bowya - это крошка-арбалетчик, а не кросс-мальчик. Просто тебе надо придумать свой удачный перевод, раз не нравится мой. )

А что ты имел в виду под словами "владеющая силой Драгнара" тогда, раз говоришь что это не дар?

Принцесса она...

...владеет силой людей с такой особенностью?
...владеет силой с такой особенностью?

В общем, делай как тебе нравится. ) Моё замечание было в том, что "владеющая силой кого-то" - калька с английского (глаз изначально зацепился как раз за это) и возникает чувство, что драгнар - некая личность, наделившая её этой "силой". В русском удачнее сказать так, что она "является тем-то тем-то", но "это" в ней пока "дремлет". Надеюсь, это будет отображать действительность. )

PS: "Гений войны", кстати, снимается. ) Нашёл тут недавно... 
http://s-genius.ru/vse_knigi/pokrishkin.htm

Отредактировано KenshinX (2011-12-11 15:57:37)

http://zalil.ru/32256931
В архиве:

- сэйв на ещё одно зависание (надо открыть сундук с воспоминаниями о Йойо. Если сундук не трогать, игра будет идти дальше);
- правки по тексту до этого места;
- скриншоты с другими замечаниями.

Что там насчёт правок в тексте патча? Это касается и "Святых Драконов", и больших/маленьких букв, и прочего такого. Ещё, например, неплохо бы было убрать трэйдмарк на титульнике (уже говорилось )).

[spoil=Алекс...]И ещё, я бы, на всякий случай, хотел дать почитать характеристику каждого из персонажей, как его описывал Томато:

* Byuu - Here's Byuu, the main character.  I don't think he has any
           dialogue of his own, save perhaps for choices you're allowed to
           make when responding to people.  I didn't really do much with that
           text though, other than making it sound normal.  I had to get each
           text choice on its own single line, so there were 1 or 2 times
           where I had to struggle to keep the text sounding the same as the
           original.  Just one of those technical issues game translators
           have to live with.

  * Yoyo - Here's Yoyo, the princess of Kahna, and the so-called "Dragnar".
           I actually have a lot to say about the title "Dragnar", but I'll
           talk about that later.  Anyway, one of the weak points of this
           game's story is definitely in Yoyo's character, at least in my
           opinion.  She's just plain stupid, and although that's not a
           problem in the plot, her dialogue and stuff was so stupidly
           written I wanna barf.  She's like this mega idiot blonde girl, she
           gets kidnapped and is scared of her powers.  I dunno, you'll just
           have to see for yourself how uncreative the writers were.

           Anyway, I didn't have to try too hard to bring across her
           ditziness.  She does talk like a girl though, so I tried to bring
           that forth - but if you ask specifically how that is done, I can't
           answer very well.  Not all girls talk similarly in English so I
           tried the best I could.

  * Palpaleos - Palpaleos is a general of the Empire, and Emperor Sauzer's
                best friend.  He plays a big part in the plot, but his
                dialogue isn't all that spectacular, and the way he talks
                isn't all that out of the ordinary, so I basically just tried
                to make his text sound natural.  Of course, everybody talks
                different depending on who they're talking to, who else is
                with them, etc., so when I say I tried to make it sound
                natural, I mean depending on each situation.

  * Sendak - Sendak's an old man (yes, he's a man for those who have doubts).
             He's kind of like an old advisor for the king and Yoyo.  Being
             an old man, he speaks in a definite old-man manner in the
             original Japanese.  It's hard to bring that across in English
             without using voices, so I tried to first draw out his sentences
             as much as possible, since old people do tend to ramble on a
             lot.  Luckily, this fits in with another quirk in his
             personality - that he rambles and complains a lot.  He also
             talks/thinks to himself a lot.  To help accentuate his
             rambliness I decided to not let him use many contractions in his
             speech. Whether or not this was a good idea I don't know, but I
             tried to be consistent at least.  I did let him use contractions
             when he was talking to himself though. He seemed very self
             concious and it just seemed fine to have him talk like that.

             And yeah, I don't know what's up with him, he does seem a little
             too attached to Byuu.  I'll leave any inferences to the player.
             Especially the... one scene.

  * Matelite - Matelite is the head of the knights of Kahna from what I can
               tell.  He's a big loudmouth and rude.  These kinds of
               personalities are always fun to try to translate, because it's
               at least possible in English translations. In contrast to
               Sendak and Taicho, I let Matelite use lots of contractions and
               quicker-sounding speech.  I'm sure most people won't notice it
               anyway, though. For the most part, the content of his dialogue
               makes up a big part of his personality, the way he says it is
               only the icing on the cake.  I like to think I did a reasonble
               job with him, though I'm sure some would want to disagree.

  * Bikkebakke - Bikkebakke, Rush, and Truce apparently were all just barely
                 surviving before Byuu let them into Kahna's dragon squad.
                 Because they're so similar in character and always hanging
                 around each other, I tried to keep the styles of all three
                 pretty close together.  And since they're kind of young and
                 not especially intelligent, I try to have them talk kind of
                 quick, and with lots of contractions and things like
                 "gonna".

                 Bikkebakke himself looks up to Byuu, almost as kind of an
                 older brother. He often refers to Byuu as "aniki" in the
                 Japanese version, but that shows familiarity more than
                 anything else, in this case (IMHO).  Because of this word,
                 some people who don't know a whole lot of Japanese think
                 Bikkebakke is Byuu's little brother, but this is not true.
                 Watch out for people who pretend to know Japanese.

  * Rush - Rush hangs around Bikkebakke and Truce a lot.  He's really
           headstrong, and doesn't like to think too much.  Hence the name, I
           suppose.  Anyway, he reminds me of a hyperactive kid in his late
           teens, so I tried to make him come across as such.  Hope it
           worked.

  * Truce - Truce.  It took a lot of time to pin down a good transliteration
            of his katakana name, but I think this is most likely what it
            should be. I've seen people call him Tulus or Toulouse or Taurus,
            but I don't think any of them are quite right.

            Truce seems to be the less hyper of the three, to me at least.  I
            hope this comes across.  I'm worried a lot about inconsistencies
            in his language that might creep in. In old, old versions of the
            script he talked a little too stiff.  If this is still anywhere
            in the script, it'd be in the first few chapters. Hopefully I
            eliminated these inconsistencies.

  * Taicho - Taicho is/was the captain of the army of Mahal.  Unfortunately
             the Empire kicked the crap out of them and now Taicho is out of
             a job, home, and wife.

             Taicho's dialog style was difficult to decide on.  In the end, I
             decided that since he's a captain, and since he ends everything
             with "de arimasu", that I should make him sound like a
             stiff-talking army guy.  So his text will sound really stiff.
             I'm betting that people who don't realize this purposely-made
             decision of mine will chalk up his stiff-sounding text to a bad
             translation/translator and/or bad editing, but they don't know
             the truth.

             At any rate, I'm concerned the most about Taicho's dialog,
             because there were some major inconsistencies in his text in
             early chapters in early versions of the script.  If he suddenly
             starts talking normal, let me know, because he's not supposed to
             sound normal.

             One of the main things that is lost in translation if his text
             is his "de arimasu". It's kind of like his signature "word", but
             in translation that word is lost.  Normally that might not be so
             important, but there are a few times when people are making fun
             of him, or when he's talking and the game doesn't tell you he's
             talking, you can just tell it's him from the "de arimasu".  But
             in translation that's gone, so it makes things harder. I've
             tried my best to keep things working, but this is just one of
             the problems any translator will have to face.  I could always
             go the Pokemon route and have him say "Taicho Taicho!!" at the
             end of every sentence, but then I would have a mob and the
             flaming torches and the biting and the kicking...  And the
             Mini-Devils already talk like that.

  * Gunso -  Gunso is a heavy-armor knight under Taicho.  He apparently has
             some weird scratching problem - I'll leave any possible reasons
             up to the player.  I tried to keep his dialogue between normal
             and Taicho-level stiffness.  It varies but not by a whole lot.

  * Barclay - Barclay is another heavy-armor knight under Taicho's command.
              His text is a little less stiff than Taicho, because of little
              side-story stuff that happens later in the game.

  * Anastasia - Didn't do a whole lot with her character, as she has VERY few
                lines in the game.  I just made her sound normal.

  * Diana - Same as Anastasia, I didn't do a whole lot with Diana's text.

  * Ectarina - Ectarina seems like a shy girl, and very unstable.  So I tried
               to bring that forth.

  * Frederica - She seems to be way too hooked on medicine. I tried to at
                least make her sound like it, although in reality I didn't
                have to do much.

  * Joy - Um, there's not a whole lot to say about her.  She serves the queen
          of Campbell, so when she DOES talk I try to make her sound elegant
          and/or official, but she doesn't talk a whole lot.

  * Melodia - Melodia is a little girl.  It's pretty easy to make people
              sound like little kids, because we have little-kid talk in
              English too.She hangs around the Mini-Devils a lot, and in a
              way she even looks kind of like them (not so much in battle
              though). I think I did okay with her text, though there might
              be a few places where I could have made her sound more kid-like
              than I did.

  * Nelbo - Just like Joy, Nelbo serves the queen of Campbell, and as such I
            tried to make her fit that character in her dialogue.  Of which
            there is VERY little of.

            Anyway, Nelbo = IMO

  * Zora - Zora's an older woman, and I guess she serves Princess Yoyo. She
           isn't all that graceful or anything, and she's pretty rough.  She
           yells at people a lot, not to mention occasional physical
           violence.  I tried to bring this coarseness out. She's a mother of
           one of the other characters, so I tried to make her sound like a
           strict, middle-aged mother.

  * Lukia - Lukia is a light armor knight.  She's kind of playful in a
            kissy-kissy sort of way. I think you know what I mean. Anyway she
            also seems like a big loudmouth to me so I tried to put that into
            her dialogue.

  * Jeanne - I don't know a whole lot about Jeanne, but people mention she's
             sort of tomboyish in the game, so I tried to make her sound like
             that.

  * Mist - She's constantly bragging about her good looks and talking to
           herself about how beautiful she is.  I didn't do too much with
           her.  She's also a secret character, for those who are paying
           attention.

  * Reeve - Reeve is a Lancer. Together with his friend Frenze, he does a
            lot of showing off of his lancing skills.  I had a hard time
            figuring out what to name him and Frenze, but these seemed the
            best.

  * Frenze - Frenze's name was hard to figure out too.  In the end I'm glad I
             chose this one, it's short and isn't too funky.  Character-wise,
             he's just like Reeve, so there's not much to say.

  * Donfan - Donfan was my favorite character to work on.  Translating his
             text was hell, but making it sound good was real fun. I'm sure
             most people will agree a lot of his scenes throw in a lot of
             much-needed humor to break up the over-dramatic monotony of the
             story.  Maybe it'll make some people laugh out loud even.  I'd
             be real happy if it did.

             Anyway, the first thing I should point out that his name in
             Japanese can be seen as a rendition of "Don Juan".  He certainly
             fits the character, sort of.  The reason I chose Donfan was
             two-fold: that was what I called him from the start, and
             changing his name later on would suck, and the name "Don Juan"
             doesn't fit too well in this game, in English, IMO.  Of course,
             calling him Donfan isn't exactly wrong either, it's a perfectly
             allowable rendition of his katakana name.  In the end it's just
             a choice the translator will have to make, and I chose Donfan.
             I think most people will like this one better. And if not, they
             should stick bananas in their ears.

             I tried to make his speech really wild and corny.  I hope people
             appreciate his text style.  My only concerns are that maybe
             early in the game his style will be slightly inconsistent with
             his style later in the game. I'll hopefully have had that fixed
             up by the final patch.

             Also there's his trademark line, it's a bugger to translate.
             Ah well.  I'm pretty sure my translation of "such is the way of
             the world" is WRONG.  I'm fairly certain "that's what I'm here
             for" or "that's my job" is closer.  But I think I'll keep it as
             is until I can take a break and look at it again with clearer
             eyes. If that makes sense at all.

  * Zora's Son - Zora's Son doesn't give his name (right away), probably
                 because having Zora for his mother really screwed him up in
                 the head.  Character-wise, he seems like a kind of innocent
                 guy who had the unfortunate luck of having a real monster of
                 a woman for a mother.  So he's kind of timid, and I tried to
                 put that into his text.

  * Manyo - Manyo is one of the Mini-Devils.  There's not a whole lot to say
            except these guys are weird.  I think they're really into death
            and praying to gods of death and stuff.  Actually you don't know
            about that until maybe midway of the game.  When I got to that
            text I was like, "WTF."  Anyway, my only decision was how to make
            the text in parentheses sound - should I make it sound weird,
            like caveman talk, or just normal, like normal subtitles? In the
            end I chose to do a little of both.

  * Monyo - See above. Nothing special here.

  * Munyo - See above again.  Bleh.

  * Wagahai - Wagahai's a Mini-Devil who thinks he/she is better than the
              others.  I'm not quite sure about a couple lines this
              Mini-Devil says inside the ship (you'll see what I mean, I need
              to analyze those lines more), but this Mini-Devil is definitely
              proud.  So the other Mini-Devils eventually get fed up with it,
              and then.... you'll just have to play

  * Sajin - Sajin is a ninja-for-hire.  He doesn't say a whole lot, so I
            didn't put a whole lot of effort into making him his own style.

  * Zeroshin - Zeroshin is another ninja-for-hire.  He's extremely shy, and
               always writing letters back to his mother.  I didn't need to
               do much with his text, the content of his text speaks for
               itself most of the time.

Вообще, полистай ридми к патчу на ромхакинг нет и сайт Томато. ) В принципе, там написано немало интересного. Я это всё к чему.  В этом переводе крайне важно передать Личность каждого из персонажей. Там интересно, что практически каждый персонаж представляет собой Личность (с большой буквы, да)). Не знаю, но у меня на протяжении пролога и первой части пока все какие-то безликие получаются. Может быть, конечно, это изменится на протяжении игры, но, по-моему личность персонажей в прологе и первой части не раскрыты. [/spoil]

Отредактировано KenshinX (2011-12-12 19:02:11)

Вот следующая заплатка.

ИМХО: так фраза как-то постройнее выглядит.

"Мантия из шёлка", как и "Шёлковая мантия" не поместятся на экране - отсюда и это однообразие названий ("Жилет кожи" и т.п.). Если есть идеи как покороче записать эти названия буду только рад.

Отредактировано alex_231 (2011-12-12 19:56:34)

Хотелось бы избежать сокращений, ну или хотя бы по минимуму их использовать ("Исцел. всех", "Воскр. всех" и "ХХХ порножур." по-другому не запишешь )

И если "Жилет из кожи " еще помещается, то "Мантия из шёлка" - уже нет.